That is the main change I need to do. And for that a clear Professional change is necessary. I would say, the first step is to cut the tumor that has been killing me for too long now (That’s a metaphor! Don’t freak out…). Then, along with the progress of that surgery (that’s a metaphor too…) I’ll restart all the personal projects that stopped around June 2009. Marriage, new house, Guitar, video, geek stuff…
The main change during 2009 in my professional situation has been the decrease of motivation. More that a decrease, it was a collapse. Of course I have been given objectives, but for the first time, I was not motivated to exceed them. Last year at the same period, I would describe myself as workaholic. I loved that so much! Too much! I spent twice as much time as now working and was doing three time as much beside, for myself. Not only I was super-active at work but also outside. Going to ski several time a year, hiking, traveling…
Today, I almost don’t do anything beside work. I almost stopped cooking even if I love this, I don’t practice a bit for my guitar lessons, I don’t go out, watch movies, invite friends at home, go on holiday (except a trip to Cambodia organized by 2 friends. I just joined) and I postponed my proposal to Asako (better late than never).
The previous entry was posted on September 27th but actually that was only because I was too busy (I don’t remember with what…) to post it on the blog earlier. I must have written it, 2 or 3 months earlier. What happened ? I’m wondering myself…
Sorry, the video is in French, but the following text describes almost the same thing. Besides, I’m not really satisfied with the current special effects. It just doesn’t… fit… The part with the blablabla is not as dynamic as I imagined, I’ll redo it when I have time…
1 year ago to the day, I started to work here… I feel like it was 5 years ago. Time flies!
I mainly achieved my personal 1-year-objectives. First, I got hired. I improved my Japanese proficiency considerably. I succeeded the first big project I have been in charge at work. I started to learn guitar. I sent my sister out of my parents’ house (that was the hardest part)… abroad. I visited Rome and Florence with Asako for her birthday…
However, I don’t fill I’m so happy I could die! Actually I feel like I didn’t reach any point, I feel like bored now that I’m done with some stuff… How is that possible? I didn’t even enjoy doing it! Where did I fail?
Ce matin dans le métro je sors mon PC et boss comme tous les matins depuis 2 semaines a nettoyer et à mettre à jour les messages que je postes sur mon blog et mes notes de boulot. Je suis content de ne pas être complètement anéanti par la situation au boulot et qu’il me reste quelques neurones pour réfléchir à comment améliorer les choses, même si je ne fais que ruminer des idées pas bien constructives…
It’s Thursday night, about going to bed. I’m getting depressed because of the situation at work. The problem according to my boss, is me. The problem according to some colleagues, is me. The problem according to what I have been taught at school, is me. The problem according to some books I’m reading, is me. Tonight, the problem is me, according to Asako. I refuse the situation at work. I refuse the unfairness of the situation, of my evaluation, of the decisions that are taken. I refuse to accept that this unfairness has the right to affect people’s life, career, mood. I refuse to admit that I’m not skilled in accepting the society as it is.
